UK Loses! We should have tried the Jimmy Dolan Shake and Bake!

Posted on 27 March 2010 by Quaid

It’s always a sad day in Kentucky when our team gets knocked out of the NCAA tournament. This year it’s even more heartbreaking, our team having been defeated only twice this season and being favored to go “all the way.”

I’m not much of a sports guy, but it still hurts my soul when my alma mater falls. While most broadcasters and sportscasters bicker about the good, bad, and ugly of the game, though, I feel like I have a unique and insightful analysis of the on-the-court happenings. I know the one thing that could have saved the poor-performing UK from losing to West Virginia…

The Jimmy Dolan Shake and Bake.

You see, Cousins and Bledsoe were outmatched in a way that transcends physicality and athleticism.  My team lost because they got outmatched in the game of court psychology.  And because they couldn’t hit a three pointer to save their ass.

If only Kevin Bacon had been there, court side, to show John Wall how it’s done.  The game is as much about instinct and pshyching your opponent out as anything else, and only Jimmy Dolan could have conveyed his St. Joe’s wisdom in a meaningful enough fashion to make a difference.

For those of you unfamiliar with Dolan’s signature move, it goes something like this…

First you go left.  Now, your opponent knows you’re not going to go with your first move.  So…

YOU GO LEFT AGAIN!

Are you paying attention?  Good.  It’s a three step process.

So now, your opponent thinks you’re trying to sell him on your right side…but what you’r really doing is…

…This is the part where Kevin Bacon drives on the tall corn-fed white dude, bouncing the ball between his legs and going for the layup.

It’s really the most powerful move in sports, and I don’t know why Bledsoe doesn’t use it.  I mean, if this kind of psychological edge can be taught to a seven-foot-tall African prince named Saleh, surely Cousins can pick it up.  I mean, with Saleh there was a culture and language barrier.  Wall’s got everything going for him.

But alas, it was a young team with a psychological disadvantage.  Next time, though, I hope Calipari picks up a cell phone and calls the Bacon.  When the team wins, he can show them all how to “Cut Loose, Footloose,” too.                           

Categorized | Commentary, News

4 Comments For This Post

  1. Josh Says:

    I loled.

  2. Lou Woods Says:

    Nice, now that looks like a LOT of fun!

    Lou
    http://www.feds-r-watching.at.tc

  3. Rachel Says:

    Haha…that’s great!

  4. Harriett Gutches Says:

    Extremely interesting blog post thanks for writing it I have added your site to my bookmarks and will check back.

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