Thank God for Avatar…crushing the hopes and dreams of Michael Bay.

Posted on 26 January 2010 by Quaid

You thought it was over.  You thought we’d said all we could about Michael (hack) Bay and his over-the-top, abysmally directed sequel to his over-the-top, abysmal but somewhat entertaining(ish) first transforming robots movie.

You were wrong.

Because as I sat down today and perused the front page of the site, I thought of something.  We’ve been giving Avatar a lot of shit.  Even I, the defender of all things Cameron, have conceded that the movie (which I still argue is entertaining and well put together) is getting way too much attention and awards buzz.

But being the optimist that I am, I thought I’d look at this whole Avatar thing from a different perspective.  The movie is making billions of dollars, it’s garnering the respect and acclaim of audiences and critics alike, and it’s gearing up to become the first Jim Cameron trilogy.  More than that, though, it’s doing something much much greater in the grand scheme of cinema.

It’s telling Michael Bay to suck it.

You see, there was a time that the Bay man was sitting pretty.  His (crappy) transforming robots movie had broken the bank and made a gazillion dollars.  He was snorting coke off strippers’ asses, lighting cigars with 100 dollar bills and screaming “I am a golden god” from his rooftop in the Hollywood hills.

Now?  Well, he’s still doing all those things, but with a tear in his eye.  Even Megan Fox’s offers to wash his car can’t cheer him up anymore.  Why?  Because, regardless of what you think of Avatar, the movie has proven that James Cameron is the King of the World when it comes to box-office.

And you, Michael Bay, are no James Cameron.

Michael Bay has always argued that he makes his movies for the fans, and his goal is to create a flick that makes as much money as possible and entertains as many people as it can.  He’s achieved adequate success in the pursuit of said goal, but he is far from the master he thinks he is.  Just ask the man who directed Terminator 2, Titanic, AND Avatar.

Not only that, but Cameron actually wins awards and gets good reviews with his films, proving that Michael Bay’s “fuck the critics, let’s make it marketable” mentality is not just flawed; it’s downright silly.

Not to mention the fact that Avatar‘s 3D success might actually hurt Bay’s career.  From this moment on, studios are going to ride the 3D wave as long as they can, and they’ll want every blockbuster to be released in the format.  Bay, though, doesn’t like or understand 3D–because he’s not a very good director, and he can’t compose or hold a shot for longer than 17 frames.  Can you imagine a Transformers movie in 3D?  I’m getting motion sick just thinking about it.

So when that huge project needs a director, the studios will have to choose between a helmsman (or woman) who understands and embraces 3D and the standard and hackneyed style of Michael Bay.  Which direction will they choose?

Of all the blockbusters that came out this year, I think that Star Trek is by far both the best and most entertaining movie, so it saddens me that Avatar has made the proletariat masses forget how much of a good time they had following the voyages of Kirk, Spock, and that guy from “Heroes” pretending to be Spock.

Once again, though, there is a silver lining.  No, Star Trek won’t win the visual effects or technical awards that it deserves.  But neither will Transformers 2.  Sorry J.J. and Michael, those accolades are reserved for Avatar.

So in the end my comrades here at MovieChopShop will whine and complain that Avatar is an overrated hunk of mediocrity, but I will rest easy in the knowledge that when the world looks back at 2009, nobody will be able to say that Transformers 2 was the biggest box-office success of the year.

Yes, Michael Bay, your evil scheming has failed you.  Just face facts: Transforming robots are so 2008.  These days moviegoers yearn for something different.  Blue people.  Having sex.  In 3D.                           

17 Comments For This Post

  1. BantalBusuk Says:

    Hear hear! I always thought that Michael Bay was a bad director. Apparently panning 360 degrees around an object makes for a good movie to him. The only reason he said “fuck the critics” is because he can never win them!

  2. Dane Says:

    I don’t know man, I’m likin’ that Avatar. I thought Star Trek was decent, but the Romulans were so underdeveloped–it just didn’t seem quite complete. Plus, Scotty showed up way to late, and he never informed the captain that he NEEDED MORE POWER! Avatar, on the other-hand–totally bomb, crazy-awesome.

  3. EVERYDAYIMHUSTLIN Says:

    Damn, OP you’re the biggest hater on the internet. Get a life.

  4. Eric Tan Says:

    Uh oh. I still haven’t seen Transformers 2. Well, the DVD’s still inside the player (since early December), but I think I’ve only watched like 35 minutes of it. My son likes the cars but he doesn’t get it when they turn into robots, but then again, he’s two. And I’ve seen Avatar four times already… Michael Bay, the man who made the attack on Pearl Harbor look really boring. Let’s see, I bet my kid will like the Star Trek DVD…

  5. GMoney Says:

    Bay is the biggest hack in movies today. A blight on the landscape of modern films. Unfortunately he has the ear of the general public (sheeple) that will go see any big piece of crap film that goes BOOOOM! M Bay is a dealer in junk. He does what he does well. Just like a cow is really good at producing cow shit. The first Transformers was embarrassing. I haven’t been able to bring myself to watch the second one, even on Blu-ray. How do you mess up fighting robots? M Bay must be stopped. I can’t bring myself to write the full name as I may get sick.
    Avatar had it’s problems but it was fun and delivered what was expected. Definitely not the best drama (Golden Globes???) but a good movie. Star Trek was a more complete film.
    Bay must be stopped. I had to say it again

  6. Bill Kirk Says:

    Stark Trek was a pile of steaming goat vomit…

  7. Quaid Says:

    To Bill Kirk,

    I…Disagree.

  8. GMoney Says:

    @Bill Kirk. Care to expand on that comment? I don’t know how you could watch that movie and think it was crap. I’m not a huge Star Trek fan and I can’t figure out if you are from your brief comment. Weigh in on how you feel about the other flicks being commented on here. Avatar was a…. Transformers to was a…. I’d be interested to get your opinion. I haven’t run in to anyone that thought Star Trek was crap. I can see how it might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but those people wouldn’t have seen it in the first place.
    Rotten Tomatoes http://bit.ly/ceDOAS
    Metacritic http://bit.ly/cI6un5
    Many would disagree but it’s your opinion.

  9. Lanny Says:

    Star Trek was a good, entertaining movie, but full of plot holes and overrated as far as its storyline and silly villain. Travelling back in time by driving your spaceship into a black hole follows such a 1950′s line of thinking and understanding of science. I could go on and on. Although Star Trek was much more entertaining, the storyline and realism of Avatar is more feasible in many ways. The Star Trek universe is lame by its very design though.

  10. Quaid Says:

    Lanny–I should clarify that the problems I had with Avatar were in no way tied to its science…it was the paper-thin characters and hackneyed story. As I said, still an enjoyable movie worthy of our respect, but NOT a best picture contender. Star Trek, to me, was a lot more fun not just in spite of its goofiness, but BECAUSE of its self-aware camp.

  11. G0m3r Says:

    You people give the new Star Trek film WAY too much credit. The past Star Trek films were prety bland and blah for the most part. The new film was entertaining but award worthy? I don’t think so. Only die hard fans of Star Trek think it was a masterpiece which needs to be showered with awards. Fact is the film didn’t have a whole lot to live up to as far and the general public was concerned. They gave it the update the series was in dire need of and there weren’t any other good films it was competing with. Avatar on the other hand was a technical marvel. I have never seen a CG world look so real and alive. Some of the animals still had that odd plastic look to them but over all it was mind blowing. Avatar deserves awards far more than Star Trek does. That bing said, J. J. Abrams is by far my favorite new film director so far. His stuff has been great so far.

  12. Maribeth Shrawder Says:

    hey fantastic movie I want to share with you where I watch this movie check w w w . topmovies24 . com

  13. manny Says:

    Avatar was NOT worth all the hype. it was an OK film but not Great. and James Cameron is overrated. I personally dont like 3D i prefer the regular format in which theaters screen movies. and for all u Michael Bay haters, he’s the best action director in hollywood and his films r the most entertaining even more then james cameron’s.

  14. Mathew Eader Says:

    I love the Avatar 3D movie, especially the story line, not only it brings a completely new feelings but eye opening ideas of humanity. I heard the New Avatar 2 is comming soon, can’t wait to watch it again…!

  15. Elenora Staebell Says:

    I like the Avatar 3D film, especially the story line, not only it brings a completely new feelings however inspiring ideas of humanity. I heard the New Avatar 2 is comming soon, can’t wait to watch it again…!

  16. Maia Cambareri Says:

    I love the Avatar 3D film, particularly the story line, not only it brings a completely new feelings however eye opening ideas of humanity. I heard the New Avatar 2 is comming soon, cannot wait to see it again…!

  17. Louis Cunningham Says:

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