Ron Howard to direct Stretch Armstrong movie? But…why?

Posted on 14 June 2009 by Quaid

So you’re an Oscar winner.  You’ve also directed two (crappy) franchise movies that have grossed billions worldwide.  What’s your next move?  Turning a long forgotten Hasbro toy into a cheesy family film, of course!

stretcharmstrong1Ron Howard, the man who gave us the amazing Apollo 13 and Ransom (among others) is said to be directing the Stretch Armstrong movie that Universal is cobbling together.  

Don’t believe me?  Well, don’t take my word for it.  Click on over to Businessweek.com and get the scoop for yourself.  It’s buried in a Transformers article…here are the highlights:

“There’s more on the way. Hasbro has a movie based on its G.I. Joe toy line coming out on Aug. 7. The company has an April 2011 release for a movie version of its Stretch Armstrong figure, to be directed by Ron Howard.”

I fully expect someone to come out monday morning and announce that this is bullshit.  Sounds like Howard is “producing” this train wreck (or just slapping his name on it) and Businessweek, not being as insanely movie obsessed as the rest of the internet, assumed he was taking on directing duties.

This, of course, is all speculation on my part.  And since we should report the facts as other, more motivated journalists report them, I’ll shut up now.

Ron Howard and a Stretch Armstrong movie?  Well, that sounds terrible.  He does best when he’s given very dramatic, straightforward material that should be interpreted without any twinge of irony or style.  If he grabs onto this, we’ll get either a Spider-Man clone that doesn’t know how silly it is or another George of the Jungle that nobody wants to call out…because, you know, it’s Ron Fucking Howard.

If you’re going to do Stretch Armstrong, do it right.  Give David Lynch a call.                           

Categorized | News

15 Comments For This Post

  1. Col. Mandrake Says:

    F@ck my life. Please Ron Howard, stop sodomizing cinema.

  2. Clam Salad Says:

    This Armstrong movie could be a breakthrough, like Spiderman or better yet Spiderman 2! It will be good if they focus not on big explosions or fights on top of trucks on a freeway, but on the feelings of Mr. Armstrong. What is it like to be super-stretchy? Pretty cool, I can imagine!

  3. Alfred Says:

    Well… why can’t we have a serious Stretch Armstrong movie? Just because he has a stretchy body and looks like a goofball doesn’t mean he can’t be dramatic! Guys like Plastic Man totally ruined it for other stretchy guys. Now they’re all expected to be corny.

  4. malek Says:

    hello cava winek labes

  5. malek Says:

    hi

  6. Phil Says:

    I just wonder if movie Stretchy will bleed purple goo like the toy?

  7. Skribbler Says:

    There’s ‘crap’ in this article all right, but it’s not anywhere near Ron Howard. Who knows what his plans are, but judging by his recent films (not one ‘crap’ by the way) Howard knows what he’s doing, which is more than can be said for this writer.

  8. Quaid Says:

    I’m not a fan of Angels and Demons or The DaVinci Code. Apollo 13 was amazing, though. So there’s that.

  9. Quaid Says:

    And I’m in for bleeding purple goop. That could make the film.

  10. Scrambler Says:

    I love it how you a$$holes don’t give Ron any credit for Frost Nixon ! If left up to you he will be directing French films which only 3 people will see.

  11. Quaid Says:

    I should clarify…I do NOT hate ron howard. He’s done some really good films. But he’s also done some bad stuff, and with this material I can’t help but think we’re going to get something less than oscar worthy.

  12. ShepRamsey Says:

    I know it’s just a select few of us, but I really didn’t think that Frost/Nixon was that good. It was too easy and obvious, and it even had a Rocky montage just before the big final interview. It breezed over the fact that they didn’t get the confession and apology they were hoping for, and instead explicitly told the audience that it was a success because they got a shot of Nixon looking like a deer in the headlights. I’m sorry I didn’t like it, but that’s just how I feel.

    And frankly, there’s plenty of reason to think that this Stretch Armstrong endeavor will be less-than-stellar. For one thing, the very idea of one more movie based on a toy is just more than I can handle right now. Also Ron Howard doing something like this would be him treading similar waters as the ones he did with The Grinch. And is anyone honestly going to say that that movie was worthwhile?

  13. HansKlopek Says:

    This is a long, contentious series of comments in which Frost/Nixon has been declared good and those at MovieChopShop.com have been declared French-film loving assholes. I’m a bigger fan of Lithuanian films myself, but I will speak to the Ron Howard issue.

    Uh, he’s good with certain material, but with stuff that actually requires him to have a sense of humor, like the Grinch, he tends to fall on his face. I won’t judge this movie until I see it (though the thought of it does make me wince a bit) but the outlook does not look promising.

  14. clare Says:

    Awesome!!!

  15. Smiley Emoticons Says:

    Top of my list of movies to see are Transformers and public enemies and despite myself I would quite like to see Harry Potter, lol.. Doesn’t it just make you want to be a wizard!

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