So you’re an Oscar winner. You’ve also directed two (crappy) franchise movies that have grossed billions worldwide. What’s your next move? Turning a long forgotten Hasbro toy into a cheesy family film, of course!
Don’t believe me? Well, don’t take my word for it. Click on over to Businessweek.com and get the scoop for yourself. It’s buried in a Transformers article…here are the highlights:
“There’s more on the way. Hasbro has a movie based on its G.I. Joe toy line coming out on Aug. 7. The company has an April 2011 release for a movie version of its Stretch Armstrong figure, to be directed by Ron Howard.”
I fully expect someone to come out monday morning and announce that this is bullshit. Sounds like Howard is “producing” this train wreck (or just slapping his name on it) and Businessweek, not being as insanely movie obsessed as the rest of the internet, assumed he was taking on directing duties.
This, of course, is all speculation on my part. And since we should report the facts as other, more motivated journalists report them, I’ll shut up now.
Ron Howard and a Stretch Armstrong movie? Well, that sounds terrible. He does best when he’s given very dramatic, straightforward material that should be interpreted without any twinge of irony or style. If he grabs onto this, we’ll get either a Spider-Man clone that doesn’t know how silly it is or another George of the Jungle that nobody wants to call out…because, you know, it’s Ron Fucking Howard.
If you’re going to do Stretch Armstrong, do it right. Give David Lynch a call.