That Conan remake has finally acquired a director and it really makes me me sad. You’d think they would have wanted to pick someone who doesn’t suck.
According to Variety, confirming a rumor originally found over at CHUD, Marcus Nispel–the man behind the remakes of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Friday the 13th, as well as that Pathfinder movie, will be taking on the task of reamking Conan the Barbarian so as to ensure that it’s not very good at all.
This project has been in development for nine years and this is what they give us?? Nine years that built up to this guy? Uggghhh!!
Apparently Nispel has said that he is not only looking to his own “childhood imaginings” of the character for influence, but also looking at Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto as well. You remember–that one from just three years ago which was just an overly stylized take on the Harrison Ford “give-me-back-my-family” movie. Gee, I can’t think of a better source of influence than that!
Nispel single-handedly destroyed a franchise that was so simple I didn’t even know its destruction was possible–but Nispel figured it out. I can only imagine what he’s got in store for Conan.
Eh. This sucks. You suck, Marcus Nispel!
Am I being overly dramatic?